A long time coming but here it is; my first novel!
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Tuesday, November 10, 2015
“What do you want from me?”
That was our deal. I’ve come to realize in the five years since I agreed to his terms that there’s no deal at all. I asked for, and got, nothing in the exchange. Contemplating those words for 65 months, searching for the meaning behind “for starters” has won me only frustration and dread until today.
I’ve kept my part of the bargain, if you can call it that. All the gods help me, I’ve come to enjoy it. Everything. Malphas asks and I do… everything, every time. Blood stains my hands and shame my heart. Heavy is my guilty burden. Pleasure. For his dark deeds.
He came to me when, at all costs of peril, I worshipped his name. Malphas the deceiver. Malphas the grim. Malphas the hunter. I’d heard the tales yet under cover of the blackest nights, I whispered I would do anything. In my 282 weeks of devotion, I’ve learned Malphas would pounce for far less. The stories were true. Relentlessly, he stalked me in the black guise of writhing muscle and searing desire. At the climax of my sanity, the words exploded forth, “What do you want from me?”
Servitude. For starters. Nineteen hundred and forty two days surrendered in the blood pits as concubine to his depraved lust. That: in addition to my task. Reigning terror on those who dare whisper his name without commitment, without true dedication. Not without consequence. Utter his name and I will collect the ill conceived promises, through whatever means I deem necessary and I am not gentle. I am a scarred and faithful disciple honed by fire. I am the wrath of Malphas, when you are not worthy of Malphas, and it’s been far longer that I’ve reveled in my actions than been revolted by them. It’s time my trial ended. I was right to be afraid.
I am an acolyte. I’m to be revered.
For 273 days.
Nine months--give or take. After which, the demon spawn will rent free my body and quench itself on my life force. By that, Malphas means to grant my wish. I would do anything to be free of this life. Those were the words I whispered.
Friday, January 31, 2014
A pressed smile containing a suppressed squeal accompanied the keystroke. Good bye sad polar vortex. The ‘sell-offs’ website promised heat in Jamaica. Pandora filled her half empty apartment with reggae while she packed. Jeff would be stunned. Solid Amy never made rash decisions. Sometime in the coming week, he would call to check on her but she wouldn’t be there.
The very next day, Amy stood marveling; frozen drink in hand, on the balcony of a Caribbean resort. That was the beauty of sell-offs. Book yesterday, travel today. She was gone before the dreaded call from Jeff asking if Pathetic Amy was ok. Would he move his furniture and clothes back if she said no? Give back her ring? Not if that slut Robin had anything to say about it and apparently being pregnant gave her all kinds of liberties.
Conservative Amy stripped off her travel clothes, popped the tags off the first of seven new bikinis, purchased yesterday, and took her kindle, sunscreen and hat to the beach. She’d been to a beach once before, with Jeff. A tennis player who hated sand, he left her mostly alone by the pool.
A single beach chair was easy to find, as were drinks. The tall good looking beach waiter dropped an exaggerated wink on her every time he traded her empty drink glass for a full one.
Several frozen drinks later, her teeth ached, her head spun and she had missed dinner. At 3:00 am, she woke on top of her four poster bed, dry mouthed, bikini strings awkwardly covering nothing; starving.
Jeff would have laughed and told her to wait for breakfast. Drinking water, Amy called room service and passed the time by slathering her sun kissed skin with lotion.
“Yasiel.” The handsome guy from the beach doubled as a room service valet it seemed.
Amy held up the lotion bottle. “Would you? Yasiel?”
Modest Amy turned her back and shrugged her robe from her shoulders. Neither expected the electricity that caused Amy to gasp and blush furiously at her obvious showing of excitement when she pulled her robe across her chest a few moments later. “I’m Amy.” She murmured.
“See you tomorrow.” He left with a sultry wink.
Tomorrow was pink sequins bikini day, which got a lot of compliments, and rum punch. Amy forgot to think about Jeff until she sat at a table for two alone for lunch. Yasiel, carrying a Twister game box detoured through the courtyard long enough to drop an exotic flower on her table and wink without the exaggeration.
Braided into her hair, the compliments continued at dinner. Yasiel, a maître de apparently, seated her with a bachelorette party and other singles. Tequila Poppers and pealing laughter were all she remembered waking late the next morning.
On fedora hat day, the portrait studio rolled several photos of her paddle boarding. Years of pilates paid off nicely. The bachelorettes invited her on a catamaran sunset cruise where Yasiel happened to play DJ. Shy Amy sat on the table next to him picking songs and dancing. In a club, Jeff’s tongue would wag at such a girl.
Leaving the gangplank, she slipped. Yasiel caught her—firmly on her rear, under her dress. It left them both shocked and Amy, at least, excited beyond measure.
Well after the party moved inside, Amy sat toes in the surf, drinking a rum and coke. She didn’t hear Yasiel until he sat next to her. Timid Amy smacked a kiss hard on his mouth before he could say a word. His smile said all. That and his arms that crushed her. He shook his head immediately though, glancing nervously at the resort.
A group from singles night took the unapproved tour to the Blue Hole on leopard print day four. Cautious Amy was the first to jump over the falls, almost surfacing topless. It was worth it to picture Jeff’s jaw dropping. She missed Yasiel’s winks at the beach party dinner and fire eating show. The other cute entertainer’s glances didn’t leave behind butterflies. She made the mistake of taking her phone to the lobby when she couldn’t sleep. The free wifi turned up no messages. Jeff should have called by now.
Metallic silver suit day started in a cloud cover. Steering clear of the hungover bachelorettes, Amy let the salon girls talk her into a massage. Self-conscious Amy wore nothing under the towel in the serene bamboo hut. Without opening her eyes or speaking a word, she knew at first touch it was Yasiel. Tender, passionate and personal, his hands stroked her to hot fire before he kissed between her shoulder blades and pressed a note in her hand.
“Meet tonight beside the pier?”
Terrified Amy carried her shoes under the pier, acknowledging the guard’s warning that she was leaving the safety of the resort. Yasiel whisked her away in a small car playing reggae music softly. No street lights, no traffic, no small talk. Only the ocean, the moon and sweet anticipation.
The party was as laid back and friendly as Jamaica promised. All night they held hands, drank beer and kissed for pure pleasure.
“Are they?” She asked as the fire died and the beach cleared. He winked big and within seconds, Amy was skinny dipping too. Yasiel swam to her smiling. Wrapping her legs around his hips, Quiet Amy cried out when he claimed her.
The emptiness of her apartment was depressing compared to the life of Yasiel’s where Amy spent her last day in Jamaica needless of her final bikini. He returned her safely to the resort with a promise. Her inbox had hundreds of emails but only two that mattered.
My dear forgiving Amy.
Pushover Amy deleted Jeff’s and sat down to write to Yasiel.
Monday, August 19, 2013
“Thank you, kind soul.”
He calls everyone that—Kind Soul. I hurry to disguise my accidental revulsion at getting caught downwind of the corner of 2nd and State.
Like being able to get my preferred train seat or how crowded the elevator ride, I can gauge my commute by Cisco’s placard. Today, it’s blank, laying at his feet. I’m early for work.
Wearing a matted fleece jacket, zipper gaping through the faded CISCO logo, the man appeared at winter’s end. Every day since, he set up his remarkably white sandwich board with his calligraphic scrawled doomsday message. I started noticing Cisco and his prophesy as an indicator of my punctuality.
I wish I could say I noticed the message originally as they clearly progress. About the time his fleece transitioned to a tissue thin t shirt of nondescript color, the board read: You’re Not Listening.
Those three words riveted me to my office window as though they were written for me and me alone. I wasn’t—listening. I am now. I drop a dollar or two in his coffee can if there is cash in my wallet and I read the sign. All Will be Accounted For. I’m not the only one. On days he changes the phrase, the can overflows green.
He’s leading up to your typical ‘the end is near.’ That much is clear. It Comes Upon Us. There is a running office pool on when that will be and a side, what the end will bring. I’m in for $20 on a fall megastorm. The big money is on disease and even bigger on weaponized viruses. Lacking religious zealotry, very few bet on a flood or rapture.
I find my mind wandering as I absently glance down seventeen floors from the corner of 3rd and State. The new sandals held up nicely under pressure this morning. I don’t believe in changing my shoes for the commute. They will keep up with me in every way and look good doing it. I smile to myself and look outside again.
The Least of Your Worries.
My heart pounds as blood rushes through my ears. My own laughter interrupts. The ringing I hear is my phone. “Your 9:00 is here.” says my assistant. I have work to do.
The board doesn’t change for days.
As summer bakes the city, Cisco loses his shirt completely and turns a muddy brown. I take to holding my breath half the 2nd Street block. The whiteboard blinds in the sun finally changing its message.
I win $78, guessing the date right on. The sign changes later the same day. Swim Above the Pool. I walk by the vacant corner well after happy hour and think, not for the first time, the messages seem oddly directed at me.
I stuff a wad of cash, $78 less happy hour, into the can in the morning, breathing a sigh of relief at the cryptic words, Embrace The Light. I have no idea what that means.
“Thank you, kind soul.” I choke back my nausea, unable to pretend smile. The smell stings my eyes.
It starts to rain by evening and the sign’s changed again, Embrace the Night. Whatever that means. Interest at work diverts to the crane operator two blocks down who appears to drunkenly stagger to his cab 80 stories above the sidewalk every morning. I put $20 on his being replaced. Others bet on a demolition catastrophe and some on his demise.
The CISCO fleece comes back early fall; the zipper still holding fast at the top and the bottom leaving bare chest evidence that Cisco has lost his t-shirt. The rambling messages have warned of the Fall and Blindness For All Who Refuse to See.
The crane operator finishes his job and presumably moves on without incident. I can’t remember the last time I saw green poking from Cisco’s can. I drop a single for old time sake, relishing the fresh breeze. “Kind Soul.” He commands my attention, lifting the newly inked board, white as ever.
Your Kindness Will be Rewarded.
Maybe it’s the crisp autumn day, or that he didn’t say thank you. I look into his startling blue eyes tinged with red and I see the power of his belief. His madness renders me insecure. I walk Market Street to 3rd until the snow flies.
The office has all but forgotten Cisco when he turns up outside the revolving door with his pristine message board. He’s there for me. I know it, like I know there’s no cash in my wallet and that isn’t why he’s there regardless. “Kind Soul.” He says, showing me the board. Surrender.
I march by with my nose in the air. He knows I read the sign.
I bring cash the next day. I walk straight up 2nd and State. Cisco isn’t to be found. His board, unchanged, is propped against my building. It’s smudged and wet. I find that more unsettling than Cisco’s disappearance. It’s laying on its side the next day, dirty. The following day it’s gone and for most, forgotten.
Often as I’m climbing into bed, I think of Cisco’s final message. Surrender. In the wee hours of the morning, the heat from a brilliant light wakes me. I’m not meant to shake the vestiges of my dream. Now.
Cisco waits for me in the light; scrubbed clean, wearing freshness in white linen. I’m to embrace it and him.
“Kind Soul.” I say stepping forward.